Handy/Humorous Real Estate Translations

I realize real estate agents and those in the ‘biz’ sometimes speak in a strange language, talking about points, closings, the MLS, and disclosures to name a few terms thrown around.  I’ve added a few others that I thought you may find useful.  Enjoy!

  • Unobstructed view:  No trees.
  • Waiting for your imaginative touch:  Complete disrepair.
  • Handyman’s dream:  Owner’s nightmare.
  • Pond site:  Swamp, slough or marsh.
  • Land alone worth purchase price:  It had better be; the house is worthless.
  • House alone worth purchase price:  Small lot next to tavern.
  • Central to everything:  A very noisy area.
  • Easy commuting:  Remote from everything.
  • County kitchen:  no dining room.
  • Charm all its own:  Don’t lean on the porch railing.
  • Secluded:  No road in.
  • On paved road:  House is ten feet from busy highway.
  • Needs finishing touches:  Needs roof.
  • Rustic appeal:  Outdoor plumbing.
Source:  Rusty and Linda Wright, 500 Clean Jokes and Humorous Stories, Barbour Publishing, 1985
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